Okay... so I think I was just getting really bored here. By here, I mean at Blogger. So I moved my blog over to WordPress which I think is a heck of a lot more functional... and pretty too...
So go check that out and update your bookmarks (yeah right)!
http://www.insidecy.wordpress.com
I'll keep this one up just to look at every now and again, but new posts will show up on the WP blog.
Ciao!
So guess what happened today... and I'll admit it.
I cried.
Tonight I was pretty emotionally distraught. Let me explain.
Today was just a series of events that lead to the floodgates being opened. For the most part, the day was great. I worked, had class, a teacher bought me lunch, and did a presentation. It was when 5pm rolled around that things started to really happen. And it wasn't even all that major, but I think combined with just the stress of trying to balance all these things I'm doing in my life right now, was the hair that broke the camel's back.
Tomorrow, Troy Phi's Dance Troupe, a group I'm in, is performing in front of Tommy Trojan. We're doing several cultural dances. At first, I thought I was only doing Sakuting, a dance with sticks that represents a battle. Come Sunday, however, I found out that I was also supposed to do Tinikling, a dance I had learned but never really got down, and Singkil, a dance I had never even learned.
Tonight we had a 2 hour practice in front of Heritage Hall to get ready for tomorrow. I had made arrangements to get there an hour earlier to practice Tinikling, but I was asked to help transport the props which took about half an hour. Then I had to find parking, so by the time I got to Heritage to practice, I was 15 minutes late.
I really needed practice on Tinikling, so that's what I worked on first. I was having a really hard time doing it with the clicking and was screwing up my partner. Now, I'm somewhat a perfectionist, so I was getting VERY frustrated with myself. In addition to that, I'm a people pleaser. I have this thing where I have to make everyone happy, so I'm very sad when I disappoint people. I'm learning to not be at this extreme, but to have some sort of balance.
In addition to all this practice and stress of trying to get Tinikling down and learning the new dance, I had dinner plans with a friend at 7pm. Originally, I was supposed to have breakfast with him on Saturday, but I double booked him on top of the 2007 Friendship Games, an event that Troy Phi was competing in at Cal State Fullerton. So I rescheduled for tonight at 7. I really needed the practice though, so I called him again tonight to move it to 8. I didn't get done learning Singkil until 7:50. I realized then what time it was and left to meet my friend in Pasadena (a good 30 minutes away) for dinner. He called me up wondering where I was and I told him I was just leaving campus, so he knew it would be about 8:35 until I got there. I felt terrible.
On the way over, I got lost finding the freeway, and when I did find it, a truck in front of me blocked my view of the freeway signs, so I missed an exit and ended up going south on the freeway instead of north. It was there that I lost it and just started crying. I was so emotionally and physically drained at this point that I just couldn't keep it in.
I called up a couple friends and my mom to just vent and they gave me comfort. They also advised me that I should probably cut back on some stuff. I think after this Sunday, I'll really have to do that. It's just starting to be way too much.
Luckily, my friend was very understanding and we had some great food! I'm just really trying to figure out the best way to manage my time and use it effectively to accomplish the things I want and to also have a good time while I'm here. *sigh*... it's tough sometimes.
Cy
So here it is, a blog entry.
The last couple months have been quite eventful for me. Let me give you a rundown of all that's been happening in my life.
I. Accepted!
If you don't know already, I'm currently a student at USC. I should mention that this is the real USC, not the university with that ridiculous mascot, the Gamecock.
The process of getting accepted to USC was a really difficult one for me. I didn't know that I wanted to go to USC until mid-way through the Fall of 2006 while at Antelope Valley College. When it came time around for advising for the Spring semester, I was ready to take all the classes necessary to get as much of the pre-reqs and transferable GEs that I possibly could out of the way. That made for a very difficult Spring semester at AVC. All the classes I took that semester were intensely academic. I was striving very hard to get solid A's in all my classes that way I would be a shoe-in to 'SC. Unfortunately, I walked away with 3 B's that semester and that put some doubt into my mind whether or not I would get in.
I sent in my application to transfer to USC on June 1st and thus began the waiting game. I was told that I would receiver my answer by the end of June and as the weeks passed, I grew more and more anxious. Come to the end of June, I was almost depressed because I had not yet heard any word at all. It wasn't until the third week in July when I found out I would be starting school at USC in August.
I was in Washington D.C. for HOBY when I found out from my cousin that I got accepted to the University of Southern California. It was crazy. I was with the team of students that I was leading for the conference when I got that phone call. My cousin started reading the letter to me, "Dear Cyril, we are pleased to tell you --" and that's where I cut him off with a very enthusiastic, "ARE YOU SERIOUS!!!" I was out of my seat and jumping up and down. Everyone in the room new what was going on and they were excited to celebrate with me. It was awesome to share that moment with them.
II. Movin' Out
Fast forward to mid-August. I have moved out of my parents' house in Lancaster, California and have accepted my new role in life as a college student in the big city of Los Angeles. So far it's been really great. My roommates aren't that bad, though I've had to really learn how to adjust to this new environment.
I guess I can elaborate on the roommate situation. I current reside in this really fancy apartment complex called Tuscany. It's really nice, but when I first moved in, my apartment was in shambles. Apparently the guys who resided in the unit the year before were quite the partiers. The entire balcony of our apartment was filled with empty beer bottles and cans. Also, half the guys who were moving out left their stuff in the apartment over the summer and it took a long time for them to get it out of the apartment. Meanwhile, the new roommates were moving in their stuff as well, so at one time we had like a total of 11 guys' stuff in an apartment meant to house 8.
Oh yeah, about that. I live in a 4 bedroom/4 bath double, meaning we have 2 guys to each room. There's eight of us total. Crazy, eh? So as you can imagine, with eight dudes, the apartment seems to stay in a continual state of disarray. I really had a problem with this for the first couple weeks. I was always cleaning up after people, cleaning the fridge, vacuuming, trying to rearrange furniture (there were two long table in the middle of the living room just for beer pong). I've loosened up a bit now.
I really never knew that I was a neat-freak or that clean of a person until I moved out on my own. I think I always just had my mom to take care of messes, so it never really occurred to me that I prefered things to be neat and in order. I'm over it now, although the ever-increasing pile of dishes in the sink still bothers me at times. Sometimes it starts to smell pretty bad.
Apart from all that, being away from the Antelope Valley has been incredible. I'm so glad I'm out of the desert. Don't get me wrong, I love the place and was glad to have grown up there, but it's good to be out. Also, I think it was time that I moved out from under my parents' roof. It was definitely time for a change. It was a little rough though the first weeks of school because my mom would literally call me every day. I felt really bad because I knew she really missed me. I could actually picture her crying because of my absence and that made me really sad. She's okay now. We do still talk at least once a week, but I think she's gotten used to having me out of the house now.
I'm just really excited to have started this new chapter in my life.
III. "I'm not the smartest kid anymore!"
Okay, don't get the wrong idea from the title. I was never the smartest kid in High School or anything like that, but I was always able to stay on top of my studies and do fairly well. I excelled in group projects and could always contribute to a discussion. I was always told from an early age that I was very smart and even wise. Going to AVC really helped reinforce all of this. Most of my classmates at that community college were really not the student type and were just there to please their parents.
Coming to USC, I was taken back a little bit because I felt like everyone was really smart, really talented, really funny, really nice, really outgoing, really friendly, and really really good looking. Haha. For a little bit, I felt very intimidated because I felt that most of the people I was meeting were "more of something" than I was. I think I've learned not to compare myself to others in this way, but to see that everyone has their different strengths and stuff.
Besides the students, the classes have been pretty tough! Currently I'm taking BUAD307 - Fundamentals of Marketing, BUAD250A - Core Concepts of Accounting I, MATH218 - Probability for Business, LING275 - Language and Mind (GE), and EDCO30 - a peer counseling class to be an RA next year... It's all been pretty challenging. It seems like I'm in a continual state of midterms. All of my classes except EDCO30, have two midterms and a final, but all the midterms are positioned in a way that I have one almost every week. It's crazy.
I definitely feel challenged, though, and that's a really cool thing.
IV. Cy, the Social Butterfly.
So if you know me well, you know I'm the type of person to commit to a whole bunch of stuff, join a bunch of organizations, and make a bunch of new acquaintances and friends. Well, I've stayed true to that, and I've really immersed myself into the whole college experience here at USC.
I've joined Troy Philippines, the Filipino organization here at USC. It's been so awesome to meet so many other Filipinos my age. Growing up, I never had any friends who were Filipino. It's been really cool to hang with these guys. They're all amazing!
I also joined the Leadership Funding Board which is part of the Undergraduate Student Government. This is a great opportunity for me to find out about a lot of the Student Orgs on campus and what they're all about. I also plan on running for office in the Spring.
I'm part of my church's campus ministry on campus which has been really fantastic. We've really been focusing on reaching out to others and sharing Christ with them. It's been great. So far, two people have decided to give their lives to Christ, live as Christians, and get baptized! It's been awesome. Right now we're also studying with several people teaching them Christianity as well. It's really been a faith builder!
In addition to all these things and taking 18 units of classes, I also work part time on campus at the Lloyd Greif Center for Entrepreneurial Studies. It's a really chill job and my bosses really like me a lot. I plan on making Entrepreneurship my senior concentration, so I think I'm getting a step ahead by working with and meeting all the professors who teach those classes. I actually just found out last week that I'm getting a raise! After only a month and a half of working for them! My boss Claudia said that they really appreciate the work I've been doing for them.
--
So I hope that was a good enough recap for all two of you. I really do miss blogging and want to get back into it for sure. I plan on keeping it up. That's it for now. I'm spent.
Cy
This past weekend, I was up in Nor Cal for a wedding. While I had a really good time and the wedding/reception was fantastic, there was a little bit of drama that went down. Let me give you some background before I go into it.
In 1982 when my mom was 26, she moved to the United States with a handful of other nurses from the Philippines. All of them were recruited to work in Brownsville, Texas. They all shared the same shifts and lived in the same apartments. Needless to say, they all bonded very closely as friends.
My dad moved out to the U.S. in 1985. I was conceived in '86 and born January 29th of 1987. Being Catholic, I was baptized and my parents named pretty much all of their friends at the time as my godparents. We stayed in Texas until I was 4 years old.
Fast forward 16 years.
I'm 20 now and one of my godparents' daughters is getting married. Everyone is excited for this and we make plans to head to the East Bay area for a good weekend away to spend with friends we haven't seen in almost two decades. Everyone invited to the wedding stayed at a really nice Marriott Hotel in a really cool town called Walnut Creek. They have a nice little district where we did a lot of shopping on Friday.
The wedding was fantastic, but very interesting and different. The bride is Catholic and the groom is Jewish. Neither decided to convert over, but rather to accept those differences and appreciate them. In the wedding were elements of a traditional Catholic wedding as well as elements of a traditional Jewish wedding. My favorite part was when the groom Joel stepped on the glass and we all shouted "Mazel Tov!" It was definitely cool to be a part of. The real fun came at the reception. The couple's parents spent thirty grand on this reception. There was an open bar, waiters serving wine and fancy hors d'ourves. There was a really expensive dinner complete with stuffed chicken, baked salmon, roast beef, Caesar salad... the works. It was amazing.
So here's where the drama starts. I have a couple friends in Northern California who I've been keeping in contact with over the years, but have not seen in 4 years since 2003. I figured I could kill two birds with one stone by being able to leave from the wedding reception a little early and go meet up with my old pals. I told my dad this and he flipped out.
He was severely upset that I was leaving early. He expressed that I should stay because I haven't seen these 'relatives' in over fifteen years. That there will never be an opportunity like this again. I told him that I understand that and that there would be all of the next day to hang out with them and get to know them. There was an all day reunion planned at the house of the bride's parents, so I was planning on using that time to bond and charm and what have you.
Basically, we ended up arguing over this for about an hour where he did one of those, "Fine. Do whatever you want. I don't care." kind of things. I absolutely hate that, but I said, "Great! I'm going then." So I left, got incredibly lost on the way to Sacramento where I would be meeting my friends, stayed out for a couple hours, then got back to the hotel at 3am. The whole entire time, though, I couldn't help but wonder if I had made the right choice.
The thing I couldn't understand was why all people couldn't be happy in this situation. I know I would have regretted it majorly if I didn't go and see my friends for at least a couple hours, since I am NEVER in Nor Cal. The last time I've been up there was when I was 7 years old.
So the next day at the reunion, I had a blast. I hung out and played some games with my 'cousins', hammed it up with their folks, my godparents, and made $300 singing one song of I Swear by All-4-One on Karaoke. I was shocked, but my parents were like, "That's okay. That's how much they owe you over 16 years." I was definitely cool with that.
Overall, I had a great weekend. It was a lot of fun. I just don't know why my dad had to make Saturday night such a HUGE deal. I think he's over it, but I'm expecting somewhere down the road for him to bring that night up against me in some future argument.
Eh, whatever. I'm spent.
(note: Yes, the friends I hung out with were HOBY friends from the year I went through the program in D.C. in 2003. It was amazing to catch up with them and chill and get lost around Sacramento while searching for a 24-hour starbucks.)
So it's definitely been a while since I've blogged. I've had a lot of time this summer to consider where I am in life and the things that are important to me. Recently, I changed the "About Me" section on my Facebook. I think it describes a little bit about what's been going on with me lately.
"I figured I'd rewrite this since life is ever-changing...
I'm still a Christian and still love God, no change there. I'm finding my life to be one continual roller coaster of emotional highs and lows. I think and wonder about how odd, yet strangely beautiful and ugly at the same time life is. It's short, but at times it's quite long.
I stretch the limits, I push the boundaries, I strive for above-average. I get tired of monotony and upset at mediocrity. I hate apathy and the word, "whatever". I lean towards those who are decisive and forthright. I don't like to make decisions for other people. I do however give out advice.
I'm sometimes loud and sometimes soft-spoken. I tend to take leadership when no one else will. I work well in groups. The way to destroy my spirit is to leave me in a room by myself for the rest of my life. My purpose and calling in life is to help others. Forget monetary success and hording material possessions, the impact you make in other people brings more happiness than anything else you can acquire.
I love to sing. I love to act. I would love to do both at the same time. Honestly, sometimes my life is like a song, other times it's an act. I hate to disappoint, and unfortunately for me, a temptation is to be something I'm not. I don't cope well with failure, but it's not hard to admit my faults. I like to be liked and I search for acceptance from my peers. I am a social butterfly.
I'm polite and kind. I don't have walls or barriers. I let people into my heart if they're willing to go there. However, I do have a hard time giving it back to people who step on it or break it. I long for someone to truly love, in a hopeless romantic sort of way. I love people. I love their strengths, but I also accept their weaknesses. Who are we without them?
I realize now that life is what you make of it. I understand that life is monumentally short in comparison to the vast expanse of eternity. I accept that because of that, I must make it my goal to enrich the lives of others. I admire the fact the only thing I can leave behind is my memory and what people thought of me. I fight to be positive and uplifting because I don't want to be remembered as a downer or someone who sat around while the world passed him by.
I live."
I've been trying to reconsider and debate in my mind the things that are most important to me. I'm not sure what those things are. I suppose family and friends are somewhere close to the top of that list. I think making an impact in the lives of others is up there. Being the best I can be is somewhere on that list. It's just interesting to think about how far we've come as people. We're no longer kids. We have to make decisions and we have to follow through on them.
I think I know what I want in the short term. I want to get accepted to USC. I want to move out of my parents' house. I want to find a girl I like and date her. I want to make new friends. I want to keep old ones. I want to travel. I want to stay busy. I want to make others happy. I want to be happy.
This summer is so jam packed with things to do and I'm loving every minute of it. I like how I'm going to be in San Francisco this weekend for a wedding, return on Sunday and leave three days later on the 4th for Boston. I like that after I return from Boston on Monday, the 9th, I have a week at home before I leave for Washington, D.C. for HOBY. I like the friends I have in this organization. I think the reason I want to travel so much is that I just want to be out of the house. I'm honestly ready to move on and start my own life away from the influence of my parents and the umbrella they have over me. I appreciate it and I'm grateful for it, but I'm over it. It's time for me to venture out and find things out for myself and start on the path to the life I'm supposed to live that is supposed to be my life, and not my parents' life for me.
Anyway, I'm just babbling on and on now. I figured I'd write a little bit, because it's been awhile. Hope you enjoyed it.
Here I am, the night before my first couple finals for hopefully my last semester at AVC and I am stuck on the computer finding ways to procrastinate. Thus here I am writing this blog. I've exhausted all other methods. No new messages or friend requests on Myspace. No new wall posts or messages on Facebook either. No new forum posts on any of the message boards that I frequent. No new entries on my favorite blogs as well. No one is online that I want to talk to. There is nothing to watch on TV. My eyes hurt from playing too much video games.
Yet, I am on blogger. Typing up a blog entry. About how I'm putting off studying for my two economics finals tomorrow. I also have a paper to write. Crap. Well... *sigh*. I better go do that.
Today was an absolutely terrible day for the students of Virginia Tech and the residents of Blacksburg, Virginia. A total of 33 people died in today's shootings. Any search on YouTube will get you a video of student interviews and testimonies. The gunman was a man in his mid-20s, asian, and not a student of the University.
What makes someone do something like this? What pushes someone to the edge to the point they would go and massacre entire classrooms, killing random young adults? When I heard about this on the news this morning I was shocked and instantly tearful. Watching images of policemen carrying people out of the school, stains of blood on the floor; listening to sounds of gunshots and people screaming... it's horrifying. You would never think that something like that could happen at your campus, but it can. This could happen in any public place other than a school; a shopping center, a park, a busy street. Some people are completely irrational and throw all and any sort of logic out of the window to act entirely on emotion and out of passion. It's disgusting.
What disturbs me further is the fact that the school didn't even send out notices to the students that there was a shooter on the campus until two hours after the first shooting occurred at one of the dorms, where two people were killed. By that time, the killer had already made his way across campus to kill 30 more people. Why wasn't the school evacuated earlier? It's absolutely deplorable that it's entirely possible that 30 lives could've been saved if action was taken sooner. When asked about their decision to keep the first shooting under wraps, they said that they believed it was an isolated incident. The man came, did his business, and most likely left the campus. There would be no reason to cancel classes for the rest of the day.
Excuse me, "MOST LIKELY" are not two words I'd like to hear when concerning my safety or even my life.
"Yes, this plane will most likely stay in the air and make it to the Philippines."
"You most likely do not have cancer."
...
You get the idea. In my opinion, this was a very bad and fatal decision on the part of the school administration.
Besides the ranting, the fact of the matter is that 33 people lost their lives today and that's sad. I took a day off work just to pray and meditate over what happened this morning. It's impossible to predict or change what will happen in life, so you just have to roll with the punches and be grateful for things you have. I say "Go Hokies" in my title, because they need our support more than ever.
It's actually quite amazing how fast someone's life can be taken from them. Life is so precious and fragile. We're not a very durable species; at least not physically. Our organs aren't protected by a hard outer covering, our bones will become brittle and our joints will creak. Thankfully, we have logic to keep our wits about us to keep us from killing ourselves off. (Caveat: The Darwin Awards) So why do we murder each other? Is this particularly necessary? We're easily breakable enough as it is. We don't need people to go around doing that for us. Being a Christian, it's understandable that in the Old Testament, God's people were often in war and battle. However, when was the last time God spoke to you to lead people to kill others and take the promised land?
Anyway... I'm sick of murder and violence. I'm tired of all that crap. Have some sanctity and respect for human life. Get over your selfish and disposed self and learn another freaking point of view. What gives one man a right to cease the life of another human being? Ugh... this makes me sick and miserable.
Oh well, there's no use in ranting except to let off some steam. My heart and prayers go out to all of you who attend VT and the families and friends of those affected by today's tragedy.
RESPECT LIFE.
Cy
I just purchased a shirt online from this great t-shirt company Threadless. I think it fits me perfectly... (ha. pun)
Okay, I don't know how much longer I'm going to do the whole posting my title in brackets thing. Probably til the end of the month...
With business aside, let's get down to the heart of the matter. Over the last several days, I've realized that I've done what I kinda vowed not to do: Let the events that have happened to my friend affect me and my relationship with God and with other people.
Since last week, I've fallen flat on my face into sin, hurting God and other people. I've kinda withdrawn myself emotionally, putting up a barrier between me and my friends. I've lost some of the joy and zeal that I normally have. I've let tiredness become an excuse for most things.
Lately, I've been hearing people say, "Hindsight is 20/20" and it's very true. I see the mistakes I've made this past week, and I'm going to work hard to spot when I start doing them and quit it right then and there.
Thus, If I have hung out with you over the last week and I haven't been myself or I don't seem to be giving myself fully to the company, I am deeply sorry and apologize. It's not in my nature to be withdrawn or constantly 'tired'. I hate that junk. So for that, I ask forgiveness.
I'm ready to go back to being filled with energy and joy. I like that a lot better than this sad and depressing state I've been in the last two weeks or so.
With that being said, I was watching the news tonight after American Idol on FOX and there was a segment on this Cal State Fullerton senior who has been living out of his truck for almost the last two years. My friend Emily was telling me about people she knows at USC who live out of their cars during the semester while taking care of all their hygienic needs at the university's gym. Anyway, the guy keeps a blog and it's a pretty interesting read. Already in the first half an hour of the segment getting air on FOX, he's received almost twenty comments on his blog entry for today. Check out his musings on what it's like to live in your car at www.gotruckyourself.blogspot.com. Tomorrow he's doing an interview for national television. He also was contacted by some of the press in France. Crazy.
Alrighty, not much else to say I suppose. I saw Wicked on Sunday night at the Pantages Theatre in Hollywood with my mom. It was my gift to her for Christmas. I must say, it was absolutely outstanding. The vocal performances were right on and I was just blown away by the set design. Good show.
That's it for me tonight, I'm trying to keep the posts a little cohesive. I have more to write about, but I'll save it for tomorrow. Tonight was fun. More on that later.
Cy
I drop by his place tonight. He's in his room so I hang with his roommates for a bit watching V for Vendetta. He comes out, says hi to me, gives me a hug, and grabs a drink of water. As he retreats back into his room, he waves at me and says,
"Cy, I'm saying goodbye for now. I probably won't be seeing you for a while."
I get up and give him another hug.
Well, he's moving. Most likely at the end of the month. I'll be sad for a little bit, but the joy from knowing he's taking care of himself and getting better overwhelms any sorrow I can feel. I see this as a new chapter in his life and my own. A chance to end one story and begin another. I wish the best for him and hope he keeps his smile.
Sometimes clichés are great: If you love something, you'll let it go.
I love you, man. Take care of yourself. Get better.
I exit my English to find this scene in front of me. I notice it almost immediately, make a comment in my head, and walk past it. I stop dead in my tracks and decide that I need to take a picture of this. I backtrack and as nonchalantly as I possibly can, grab a snapshot with my phone.
For the sake of humor and drawing attention away from things too serious, please caption this set of photos:
I realize that I've been very depressing lately, but with good reason.
However, you always have to stop in the madness of sadness (like that one, huh?), and smell the roses for just a second.
Monday was a great day for that. I got my Winter Intercession grades:
SOC101 - Introduction to Sociology, an online class with Professor William Lund - A
MUS102 - History of Jazz, a swinging fun class with Professor Gary Gregg - A
Those two A's mean that (you're going to hate me) I continue to maintain a 4.0 GPA in college. This will be the transcript I'm sending into USC for Fall 2007 admission and I'm very proud of it. According to the dean of the business department, I'm a shoe-in, but we can only wait and see.
Hey, what do you know! There is happiness in life!
Cy
postscript: That last line was a joke. Of course I believe there's happiness in life. It just seems that in the whole myriad of sadness that this week has been, I haven't made a point of sharing the things that have been bringing me happiness. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going around sobbing all over the place.
Life teaches you that not all things are secure. You can't always be 100% certain of what is right in front of you.
People change. Situations change. Lives change.
Granted, some things are certain for everyone. For me, my faith is certain. God is certain. Really. Does anything matter in this life? In this world that we live on? Apart from following the Lord and his commands, I don't think so.
My friend is going to be facing some hard times up ahead. His future is only as uncertain as he allows it to be. If he learns from this mistake and puts God first, I think he'll come out of it okay. Possibly even stronger and more secure.
I hope and pray that he doesn't use this as a crutch to fall deeper into sin and despair. I pray that he continues to seek guidance and help in his life. I pray that he places his value solely on God and not the things of this earth that are perishing. I hope that he comes out of this trial victorious and ready to do whatever for the Kingdom.
If he does these things, then I know he'll be taken care of. Sadly to say, if he does these things, I'll be seeing much less of him. Honestly, I want what's best for him. I still love him and he will always be my big bro.
For new life, there must be sacrifice. For him, the sacrifice is living in close proximity to us. I understand that him moving away is part of this sort of repentance that must take place in order for him to live once again for the Lord and not for himself. Yes, I'll be sad by his departure and will miss seeing him week after week, but if it is what is necessary for both of us to live in eternity with our Heavenly Father, then I am all for it. "Not my will, but yours be done." Right?
He will be third of those who have 'left'. My closest friend and mentor during my early teen years Scott moved away to Sacramento in the summer of 2003. That same month, my own father decided to leave God and the Church and live a completely capitalistic life, seeking after things so temporary and worthless. Both were a huge hit to me that year. I used those two 'leaving' as an excuse to hate and doubt God. An excuse to fall deep into sin, taking me to a place I never dreamed I'd be. I'm still healing from the things I've done and making reparations to the people I've hurt.
This time around, I've learned my lesson. I cannot use this as an excuse for failure. I cannot use this as a reason to be ineffective, lukewarm, and selfish. Rather, I must use this as motivation to fight harder because the spiritual battle that this life truly is has become even more real to me. Satan has brutally attacked someone so close and dear to my life, that I have to fight back. I have to resolute to do God's purposes for me in this life as vengeance for those lost in the battle.
I hope my comrade picks himself up and rejoins us on the frontlines sooner than later.
I'm thankful that through giving myself wholeheartedly to ministry work, that I'm learning more discernment and obtaining 'greater wisdom' (with it, I wouldn't do it. (inside joke)). Seriously though, God has been teaching me a lot. I've become much more spiritual focused and it's been a huge blessing to me. Because I'm devoting my time, energy, and efforts into other people and into the ministry, I have not had a lot of time nor opportunity for sin and all the guilt, shame, pain, and hurt that comes with it.
It's Sunday morning. 8:50a. My phone rings. It's Luke.
I tell what happened last night.
He tells me something different.
Long story short, One phone call changes everything.
Never mind.
Trust is a hard thing to come by these days.
God, you are so real to me. So real.
My eyes are red. My face streaming with tears. My bottom lip quivering. In darkness, I sit in my car in the middle of the desert, engine running, radio off. I look up at the stars. They're beautiful.
I've been driving around west of town, looking for a secluded place to just throw open the floodgates of emotion that I've been holding on to since talking with him in the crowded restaurant. I am alone, but feel comforted. Scared, but secured. Hurt, but mended.
My forehead rests on the steering wheel as I utterly just weep. I'm at a loss for words. All I can do is cry. I think about what my friend just told me at Denny's. I can believe it. It just hurts. It hurts a whole heck of a lot. I think to myself, this isn't about me. But in a lot of ways, it is.
He tells me the wrong he has done; the hurt he has caused; the sin that pierces his soul. My heart breaks in front of him and I try to hold my composure. I can see the fear in his tired eyes. He's been up for quite a while. They're moist and red. He's been crying a lot today. I'm devastated to see someone so full of life like this. But we all have our downs.
I tell him with tears that there is absolutely nothing that he can do that will make me love him less. I tell him that he is my brother, always will be. I accept him fully for who he is, faults and all. I continue on as he lays his head down in his hands and convulses with tears. I put my hand on his and tell him,
"I'm here for you. I always will be. Never doubt that."
We look at each other with wet eyes. I share an experience in my life that I can relate to him with and tell him that it's not the end of the world. God loves to use broken sinners like us. The difference between him and I is that he got open with it quickly, whereas I let this sin infect and wound my soul while I kept it hidden for years. It only got worse until I hit rock bottom. That's when I had to be honest with myself, God, and some close spiritual friends who would let down the rope and pull me up out of the well.
He thanks me for my friendship and love, but says he doesn't deserve it. I reflect on the things I've done in my past and how I've hurt those I love as well.
"Bro, I don't deserve it anymore than you do either. But that's what's so great about God."
He nods in agreement. I'm glad it's not as bad as I thought it would be. All throughout the day, multiple things ran through my mind. The worst of which was that I thought that he would be moving away somewhere and that I most likely would never see him again. That thought killed me. Hopefully, this isn't the case.
He tells me, "Cy, I still want to be faithful. I still love God. I care about God. I care about discipleship," he starts to break into tears, "I care about you; about the ministry..." he goes on and my heart is reassured that he'll come out of this victorious and ever more faithful and sure of his promises in the Lord.
We both say our peace and I let him leave to go home and do what he needs to do. I pick up the bill for our two coffees and head out. Once in the car, I explode into hysterics. It's almost uncontrollable. I feel I need to drive away somewhere far, organize my thoughts, and pray.
I find a good place to pull over and just stop everything. I sit for a while in silence. Just thinking. Just wondering.
As I go through the multitude of feelings and thoughts in my mind, I experience sensations of pain, where I cry so hard and so loud, and sensations of joy, where I rejoice because I know it's not all in vain.
This hits me so hard because it's about the people I care for the most in this life. I confess to God that getting an awesome education, landing a high-paying job, and any other material thing I can gather for myself is worth absolutely nothing to me. What I care about is my family and what I can do to help them and make them happy. So this hurts. It hurts because I feel powerless to fix what he's going through, but at the same time, I am at ease because I know that God works for the good of those who love him and luckily for this guy, he still loves God.
I continue to pray for the ministry and the people involved in it. I pray for the mission that we have on this earth. I pray for the leaders of the church and that they'll be wise in the decisions they make. I pray that I would be completely empty of myself and filled with His spirit because the 'Cy' I know really sucks and can't do much, but if God is for me, who can be against me?
I drive off after a while of thinking and praying and sing a couple songs out loud to God. I sing about God letting his blessings and promises rain down on his people. That he would open up the floodgates of Heaven and bring consistency, sovereignty, righteousness and mercy to his people. I sing another song about being absolutely nothing, but everything to God. About how he commands us to come to Him, stand in silence and be overwhelmed by who He is. All of it. About how that silence is broken by my weeping over my own wretchedness. How Christ's redemptive blood covers my entirety and my shame. How God's powerful and booming voice shakes the Heavens with his words, yet also whispers my name. How Christ catches my tears and wipes them from my face with his hands scarred by the nails of the cross. How I am just so overwhelmed by everything God is and everything I am not.
I think about how relevant those songs are. As I drive home in song, I shed tears of happiness because of life. All I can say to my creator is, God, you are so real to me. So real. I see that tonight more than ever.
I look up at the stars in wonder of the Lord. They're still beautiful.
I started to watch a movie, but fell asleep on it for a couple of hours. I awoke to find I had a voice mail message and a missed call on my phone. I listed to the message and it was my mom.
"New Message. Saturday 6:00pm, 'Hey son, it's your mom. I'm outside and can't find my keys. Open up!"
I looked at my alarm clock. It was 6:30p. Whoops! I promptly called her back.
"Hey, boy. Are you awake now?"
"Yeah, sorry mom. Where are you?"
"I'm downstairs. I found my keys."
Whew.
Dad then got home and we watched the new episode of our favorite show that has been on a freaking 17-week hiatus. We then also watched an episode of a new show we're also enjoying a lot, Heroes.
Ah... the return of good TV.
2007.02.09 9:00p
I'm in the middle of Bible Talk and I get a phone call from said friend. I excuse myself from the discussion and take the call outside.
"Hey, man. What up?" I ask.
"Oh... well, a lot. Did you maybe want to get together tonight?" He asks.
I think for a moment. I really want to get together with him and let him talk about what's going on in his life. I've been pretty uneasy about it since Wednesday night. However, my friend Drew from out of town in staying the night with some of the other guys from my ministry. My hands are full. I respond,
"Um. Did you get my message I left earlier?"
"No, sorry, man. I didn't."
"Oh. Well I called to say that Drew was in town and wanted to hang with us tonight if you weren't doing anything. But I understand if you can't or don't feel up to it tonight."
He answers, "Yeah. Tell him I said what's up and sorry, but I can't."
"It's cool, dude. Hey, maybe we can get together tomorrow after choir practice?"
"For sure, bro. Yeah." I hear him say on the other end.
"Okay. I'll call you after practice is done at 11 tomorrow. Cool?" I say.
"Yeah. Okay. Tomorrow then."
"Alright, buddy. Love you, man. I mean it."
"Thanks, Cy. Love you too."
We hang up.
==
Fast forward: 2007.02.10 2:00p
My phone rings.
I answer. "Hey, bud."
"Hey, Cy."
"Still have time to get together today?"
"Yeah, but I'm going to head down below at 3p. So maybe when I get back if I get back at a decent hour?"
Any hour would be okay. I'd stay up to listen to him and hear him out. "Of course, dude. Just give me a call when you head back into town."
"Alright. I talk to you later."
"Later, man. Love you. Drive safe." I respond.
"Thanks. Love you too."
We hang up.
==
The more I think about what is going on and the more I listen to his voice over the phone, the more my heart is restless and utterly breaks at whatever pain or trial this guy is going through. I'm almost on the brink of tears when I can't recognize the joy and excitement for life that is normally conveyed through his voice. Really, all I can do is pray for him and hope that things will work itself out.
Whatever it is, it won't ever keep me from loving him. He's my brother. Seriously.
2006.01.28
Church was awesome, but I'm flippin' hungry now. Several of my friends and I head out to the mall to grab some grub from the food court. After pondering what I had the appetite to eat for a couple minutes, I decide on The Great Steak Company My friends Kat and Tila choose to get their food from the Mediterranean place right next to the Great Steak.
"Oh, Cy! Where are you eating?"
"Great Steak."
"Have you ever tried this stuff? It's SO good."
"Uh... not really." I say.
Just then, the man behind the counter raises a piece of meat skewered onto a toothpick, and says "Sample? Sample?"
Kat says, "Yeah, Cy! Try one! It's really awesome. No kidding!"
I grab the sample from the guy and as I do, he says,
"Yeah! Try something other than Chinese food for a change!"
I chuckle... -WAIT. What? Did you seriously just make a racially insensitive joke at me? I respond with the only thing I can think of at the time,
"Dude... I don't even really like Chinese food."
In retrospect, I should've said, "Dude, I'm not even Chinese" or maybe retaliate with "Or maybe you should go eat some hummus or something!" Nah, I wouldn't say that.
He goes, "Oh. Whatever."
Yeah... I won't be eating there.
...Whatever.
I had a talk with Luke, asking him about another friend of ours and how he is doing. He tells me, "Not good." I figured as much. I've been calling him and he hasn't returned my calls. He didn't show up to church on Wednesday night and he missed the Men's group. It's not something he would usually do, so naturally, I worry. Maybe worry is the wrong word. I'm concerned.
What concerns me most is that Luke says to me, "He's made a mistake and unfortunately, he is paying for it now." Several ideas pop into mind, but I don't want to speculate. I love this guy. He's pretty much the older brother I've never had. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but what Luke says to me is troubling. I resolve to pray for this guy and hope that God works out the best.
I absolutely dislike being in the dark on issues that deal with people close to my heart. I want to know what's going on, but I trust that the proper people do know and when this brother is ready, he'll call me up and tell me what's going on in his life. Luke reaffirms me saying, "All will soon be revealed." He shares that what's going on with our friend won't stay hidden for long; that I will soon know what is happening and that I will be hurt by it, but that I will be able to cope with it and still love him.
Now that scares me. What is going on? As I start my day, I can only push wandering thoughts of endless possibilities aside and trust that God is doing what God needs to do and that man will always have sin and that's just the facts of life.
Amen.
2007.02.08
I feel absolutely drained today. The marathon starts at seven this morning with the alarm clock pulsing through my ears to which the snooze button provides relief for a good twenty minutes, after which I realize that I actually do need to go to school. I make an attempt for a quick shower, skipping the conditioner this time around. A quick brushing of the teeth, shrug on some clothes and I'm out the door by 7:55a. Luckily for me, the college is almost literally right next door.
Have you ever seen that movie where someone is chasing a bad guy or a sweet sudden love interest and the pursuit leads the pursuer into some crowded area, say a train station or a busy metropolis with people pouring down the sidewalks? Finding a parking space at AVC is similar to that during most times of the day. However, at 8:00a, it's not quite as difficult. I find a spot close to the building of my first class, check my face in the mirror to make sure nothing is sticking out of my nose, double check that the car is locked, and briskly make my way to ART102 - History of Art, Renaissance to Modern.
As I enter the classroom, everyone's eyes turn to me to acknowledge my tardiness. Their eyes shift back to Rae Agahari's face to see her response. She smiles at me and quite loudly says, "You name is Cy? Right?!" I respond in the affirmative. She takes her eyes off of me as she checks off my name on her attendance sheet. I take my seat. For the next hour and twenty minutes, my attention is captured by this middle aged Indonesian woman with a distinct accent who has such passion for art and history and even more so when combined together.
She explains to us that by the end of this semester we will have gained the skill to be able to analyze artwork and be able to explain why we feel how we feel about the piece; what works and what does not. She makes a point to say that if anything, it will help us to impress our dates with our vast knowledge of art. For the men especially, it'll show we're are softer than meets the eye. We have an air of sophistication and refinement. I chuckle at her statement and raise my hand. I share with the class that earlier on in my teenage life, I took a girl on a date to the J. Paul Getty Museum in Los Angeles. Unfortunately for me and probably her as well, it turned out to be the most memorable date in a notorious kind of way. Neither she nor I understood any of the art despite our best efforts. It did well to shut us up for the rest of the drive home since we had absolutely nothing to talk about and I ended up falling asleep on her for a good fifteen minutes. I wasn't the one driving obviously. The class laughs at my (and her) misfortune and Rae says that indeed this will be a great class for me.
After she dismisses us, I head straight for my next subject; ECON102-Micro Economics. It's 9:30a and our teacher Ron Halcrow is late. After only an hour and a half of being on campus, I can feel my body shutting down. Before I can think to get something in my stomach, Ron comes through the door and starts lecturing about basic algebraic equations. I'm a master at basic algebra and am quickly put to sleep. I'm roused several times in between discussions of Price and Quantity in comparison to the X and Y axes, but stay unconscious for the next forty or so minutes when he lets the class out twenty minutes early. I use this opportunity to actually place my head on the desk and attempt to get some quick Zs, but to no avail. I figure if I can't actually sleep, I'll try my best to stay awake. I leave the classroom and head out to the vending machines in the lobby of the building. I grab a packet of strawberry PopTarts and a bottle of water and head back to class.
Back in the classroom, Ron is back for my next hour and a half bout with economics; ECON101-Macro Economics. Mr. Halcrow is an interesting man. He chuckles after almost every other phrase as if he is saying something either deeply profound or incredibly witty. Through most of his chuckles he interjects his signature murmuring of "Okay?" It's odd and a bit distracting for me, since I do focus a lot on people's speech habits. However, after a couple of months it will not be an issue. Last semester, Mr. Taback, my biology teacher, really irked me with his constant squinting in the first couple weeks of classes. After that, I didn't really notice it anymore, although he did continue to squint a lot as if some stinging sweat was continually creeping into his eyes. Due to my quick sugar rush, I'm able to stay awake and involved in Halcrow's Economics Part Deux. By 12:20p, I am done with economics for the day.
As I make my way over to the center part of campus, I'm greeted by one of my former classmates from my Vocal Class. Kelly and I chat for a bit about what classes we're taking this semester, how our grades were last semester, and what our plans are after the semester; typical collegiate chit chat. Somewhere along the conversation, I let her know about the bibletalk groups I lead every Monday and Thursday. Then, somehow I find out that she's been going to church down in the valley every weekend because she hasn't found a church up in the Antelope Valley yet. She had just moved prior to the fall semester. We exchange phone numbers and I let her know that our church is always looking for more people to join the singing ministry. I also let her know that I lead the church's college ministry and would love for her to come out to things. We exchange pleasantries and go on our ways.
Ten minutes to bibletalk and I having a conversation with a complete stranger named Troy about his take on agnosticism. He doesn't think so much that there is no absolute way to know God or if there is a God, but rather has quite a distaste for organized religion, denouncing everything from Hinduism and Buddhism to Catholicism and Southern Baptist Christianity. He believes in taking the good of all of those things to help shape his own morals and beliefs, but because of each Church's flaws with odd traditions and inequality regarding women, he has no faith in the institution of religion. When he tells me that he does, however, believe in God, I ask him if he would like to join us for our bibletalk where we could talk more about it. He kindly declines.
I start bibletalk five minutes late because of my lengthy discussion with Troy. Everyone else who I am expecting to be at the group is there; Luke, Amanda, Hunter, and Mike. Victor is a new face that I introduce myself to amicably. We all sit down and I have everyone open their Bibles to Leviticus chapter 4. We discuss the Sin Offering of the Israelite nation and the imputation of sin from man to animal and the sacrifice that had to made for the atonement of sin. We then discuss Hebrews chapter 10 about Christ being the sacrifice in place of bulls, goats and lambs. We talk about him being the final sacrifice and atonement for sins for all of eternity and how, in today's society, we are applying that to our daily lives; whether or not we're taking the blessing of the freedom we have in Christ and using it for his further glory or if we're keeping it locked away in some secret place in our lives. As I'm leading the thoughts in today's bibletalk, I myself am convicted to follow through on being more expressive of what Christ has saved me from: Damnation. After the bibletalk, I talk separately with Victor about having a bible study on Monday at 10:00a.
Legitimately tired and hungry, I head to the cafeteria with Mike and Hunter. These days I haven't been caring too much about eating healthy, so I order the greasy chicken quesadilla and the even greasier cheese fries. Like a starving lion in the Savannas, I eat the two orders with much voracity. After the meal, the three of us drive back to my house to watch a couple video clips saved on my computer; A South Park episode about Cartman's hand being the next pop star, Jennifer Lopez and the first episode of Robot Chicken. We laugh for a bit and try to waste two hours browsing the internet.
3:30p comes around and it's time for me to go to my three hour Anthropology Class; ANTH102 - Introduction to Cultural Anthropology. I find a parking spot adequately close to the campus and make my way to the Anthropology room. As I enter, I count nine students other than myself. Small class. I sign in, take two handouts from the teacher; a 17-page syllabus and a 5-page guideline for writing the research paper. For the next hour, Beth Bridgers discusses the syllabus while I try, but fail, to stay awake. I should think about getting more than five hours of sleep on Wednesday nights. Luckily for me, she dismisses the class two hours early at 4:30p. Oddly enough, I snap to attention at the words and promptly make my way off campus, to my car, and back home.
Needing some time to relax before heading out to my church's men's group tonight, I browse around on facebook, check my email, read some blogs, and write this one. On the subject of reading some blogs, I stumbled across the blog of one of the guys I went to High School with, Kai Kaapro. He was a senior when I was a freshman, but we're somehow friends on facebook. His blog contains his journal entries from during his 70-day hike along the Appalachian Trail starting in Georgia and concluding in Maryland. It's a very good read. Kai is an extremely good writer and I found myself reading several of his entries at a time with no problem. Check it out at Into The Wild.
Well, it's now time for me to go pick up Lonnie, a guy from our high school ministry, and head out to the men's group. Hope some part of my day was interesting enough for you to read, although it was quite wordy. I'll work on that for next time. It has been a while, though, since I've posted. I guess this is the accumulation of all the writing that has been stored up in me and is bursting at the seams.
Cy
As I sit here, enjoying the wonderful flavors of my Jack-in-the-Box faux-taco, I'm thinking. Every once in a while, I think out loud here on my blog in totally abstract, vague, and nonsensical blabber. It's quite a treat if you get to read them. They're normally somewhat depressing yet with a dash of hope in them. I suppose tonight wouldn't be any different.
I mean here I am with a post title that is already dark in itself. 'Restless' signifying that I can't sleep and that obviously something is troubling me. Also, being 1:30 in the morning means that tomorrow's not going to be all that great at work.
So let's get to the heart of the matter. This week I've been deep in thought. I guess the new year always does this to me. It's a time to re-evaluate what's important in life and what takes precedent.
Last year what was important to me was so clear, yet I didn't do all too much to show it or really give it the significance that I claimed to put on it. My actions certainly proved otherwise. Such is life, maybe?
It seems every quarter of the year, the same progression takes over. At the first part of the quarter, you're really on track with life. Things are going right, but as you near the end of it, you're down in the pits and things are just wrong. Then something significant happens in life that sets you straight and puts you where you should be. You shoot back up and you're a-ok again. Then same thing... a couple weeks later, you've lost your way once more. The law of undulation is what they call it. Can we ever just keep getting better? Or at least just plateau for a while? Because the whole crashing and burning thing is really getting old every several months.
Here's the thing. I know the goals I have in life. I know what the end picture is... at least what I want it to look like. Yet it seems that I voluntarily choose every possible avenue to screw it up. It's like for a temporary moment (sometimes, not all that temporary), I put that picture down, or I blur my vision of it and I get caught up with the here and now. Granted, people say to live in the moment and to live as each if day was your last, but there is still something to be said about goals and dreams.
It's weird. Do you ever feel like you live in spite of your own self? That's what it seems I do to myself sometimes. They say you are your own worse enemy and looking back at my life in retrospect, that saying rings with so much truth.
If you guys couldn't tell, I'm in my 'downs' right now. When did life get so complicated? When did failure and disappointment become something so tangible? Sure there are several hidden gems of pure joy here and there, but the overall state of things seems to overshadow that.
I had a great talk with one of my best friends tonight and I think that is what has made me restless tonight. Being forced to bring what's been troubling me to the forefront of my mind, rather than compartmentalize it and let it fester, seems to be just what I needed.
And there was the little pinch of hope in an overall sad post.
I'm hoping the 'ups' come along soon.
Cy
Yesterday at the MacWorld Expo 2007 in San Francisco, Apple CEO Steve Jobs announced something absolutely ridiculous. And by ridiculous, I mean it is probably the best thing since sliced bread.
A couple months ago, I watched this concept video for iTalk, a fan's rendition of what he envisioned an Apple produced cell phone to be. Check out the clip:
I was getting all ready to spell out in detail what I've doing the last two months, but I've got a headache and I'm kinda tired, so I'll save it for the weekend at some point...
Tonight I had some friends over for Bibletalk (where you talk about the Bible. Complicated, eh?) and afterwards we played one of my favorite games, Kent.
What is Kent?
Kent is a card game played with 2-4 teams of two with each team sitting across from each other. Each player is dealt four cards and just like Spoons (right, Heather?), you want to collect 4 of a kind. However, that's the only similarity Kent has to Spoons. The dealer will lay out the top four cards of the deck face up and all players are allowed to lay down a card from their hand and pick one up on the table as much as they want. After some time has passed where no one picks up the cards, the dealer scoops up the cards and lays out four more. This is repeated until someone gets four of a kind.
Now why are there partners in this game? Well to win the round, you must be able to guess when your partner has four of a kind or vice versa without the other teams knowing. This is done through subtle hints or signs that the team comes up with in secret from the other teams. If you see your partner doing the sign, you call out "Kent". If you were right, your team scores a point. If you're wrong, you lose a point. Subtletly is the key here because if another team believes you have obtained four of the same card, they can call "Ace". If they've caught you, you lose a point and they gain one. However, if they're wrong, they lose a point and you gain one.
I like to play the game with poker chips so everyone gets a visual for how well the teams are doing. You can either play to a number of points or til a team gets all the other teams' chips.
I went to a party for New Year's Eve and we played Kent for most of the evening. It's great fun. Hope you enjoy it.
YouTube has a pretty cool feature on it now... You can record video off your webcam straight to their site!
And this is the result... Hope it's not as strange for you as it was for me...
Without further adieu, VLOG I...
(WARNING: It's boring. But if you're here, I assume you're already bored.)
I just got out of my History of Jazz class that I'm taking over the Winter intercession. During class, I got a text message from one of my friends saying,
"so there's a pic on ur page that i think u might wanna remove"
Before heading out to class, I posted the last entry about The O.C. being canned. Naturally, I wondered what the heck this person's talking about. I chuckled to myself and though that maybe she's talking about the picture of the cast of the show and that maybe she has some sort of extreme dislike for the program that she's telling me to take it off my site. But I was not 100% sure, so I responded with,
"?"
to which I received the response,
"u should look. its interesting."
And with that, I became officially worried with an hour still left in class. All I could think about was what could possibly be on my innocent little blog...
I got home and refreshed my page to find that my picture of the cast of Friday Night Lights was replaced with a plump rump. And I'm not talking about roast beef. I've heard about websites giving warnings against hotlinking (when a web page of one website owner is direct linking to the images or other multimedia files on the web host of another website owner), replacing the hotlinked image with some kind of obscene thing... and well, that happened to me.
So I've learned my lesson, no more hotlinking for me! I'll take the extra couple minutes to save the image to my Photobucket and host it from there.
Sorry for all of you who saw the huge butt.
Cy
So not that I really care or anything, but today I found out that FOX announced officially just yesterday that The O.C. will be airing its Season 4 and Series Finale on February 22nd. (Check out E! for the full story here)
I've been watching the show now for the past year and a half. Bought all the seasons and got my mom hooked on it as well. The premier season was a brilliant drama, but the light seemed to dim as the seasons progressed. Each subsequent season has been considerably more annoying and pointless up to the steaming pile of crap for a show that we have now. The fourth season of The O.C. has so far been the worst television I have ever seen. I honestly do now know why I keep watching it. It's like an unhealthy addiction.
You can imagine my elation upon finding out that on February 22nd, I can finally be released from my weekly hour of masochistic self-induced torture. I hear that there are rumors that the new CW might pick up the show for a 5th season this fall. If they do, good luck with that. I won't be watching it. That's for sure.
The O.C. was great for a while, but really just went nowhere fast. I liked watching a TV show with my mom and I guess that's why I stuck with it.
If any of you out there are O.C. fans and are disappointed by the news and need a High School drama to stay sane, tune your television sets over to Friday Night Lights on NBC Wednesday nights at 8pm. It's MUCH MUCH better than The O.C.. The characters have so much depth to them and the plot is amazing. Reminds me of the first season of The O.C.; just without rich people driving beautiful cars and living in gigantic houses. Plus, there's football in it. That's always a good thing.
Farewell, The O.C.. You were kinda fun while you lasted. Free at last. Free at last. Thank God Almighty, I am free at last.
Good thing there's still LOST.
Cy
And now, as the year is officially over, we pay tribute to those who have 'offed' themselves in such noteworthy fashion...
...Remember, there is no first place, because truly, no one really wins...
http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2006.html
1st Runner Up: "Hammer of Doom"
(August 2006, Brazil) August brings us a winner from Brazil, who tried to disassemble a Rocket Propelled Grenade (RPG) by driving back and forth over it with a car. This technique was ineffective, so he escalated to pounding the RPG with a sledgehammer. The second try worked--in a sense. The explosion proved fatal to one man, six cars, and the repair shop wherein the efforts took place.
14 more RPG grenades were found in a car parked nearby. Police believe the ammunition was being scavenged to sell as scrap metal. If it wasn't scrap then, it certainly is now!.
(3 June 2006, Florida) Two more candidates have thrown themselves into the running for a Darwin Award. The feet of Jason and Sara, both 21, were found protruding from a deflated, huge helium advertising balloon. Jason was a college student, and Sara attended community college, but apparently their education had glossed over the importance of oxygen. When one breathes helium, the lack of oxygen in the bloodstream causes a rapid loss of consciousness. Some euthanasia experts advocate the use of helium to painlessly end one's life.
The pair pulled down the 8' balloon, and climbed inside. Their last words consisted of high-pitched, incoherent giggling as they slowly passed out and passed into the hereafter.
Sheriff's deputies said the two were not victims of foul play. No drugs or alcohol were found. The medical examiner reported that helium inhalation was a significant factor in their deaths. A family member said "Sara was mischievous, to be honest. She liked fun and it cost her."
A hiker in Scotland picked up a grass snake so his brother could take a picture. Just as he reached for it, a black serpent slithered into view, so he grabbed that one, too. It was a Black Adder, Britain's only venomous snake. Both reptiles sank their fangs into the 44-year-old, who responded with serious anaphylactic shock. He gradually and painfully recovered in the hospital. His excuse for his rash act? He didn't think venomous snakes inhabited the whole of Scotland.
(April 2004, California) An adult education teacher gave 25 students an impromptu lesson in safety during his safety class. Using opaque reasoning, Teach figured the 40-mm shell he had found on a hunting trip must be inert. He kept the round and used it as a paperweight on his desk. After all, ordnance is such a unique conversation piece. But more notably, this particular ordnance was the teacher's ticking ticket to fame.
One spring morning, a bug crawled across his desk. Should he squash it with a tissue? Sweep it out the door? Leave it to pursue its happy existence, and continue on with his lesson? No; the teacher picked another alternative. He took up the "inert" artillery shell and slammed it onto the short-lived insect.
The impact set off the primer, and the resulting explosion caused him burns and shrapnel lacerations on his hand, forearm, and torso. No one else in the classroom was hurt. To the teacher's further consolation, his actions did succeed in one respect: the bug was eliminated.
So as we all know, Saddam was executed this past week. A huge milestone in the history of time, if you ask me. On the news today, aside from the late President Ford's funeral and burial coverage, there was a lot of talk about the leaked execution video of Saddam.
I went online trying to find the clip. I'm not exactly sure why. I've seen some filmed executions online (read: my experience) and they're not that great to watch. I was definitely disturbed and it didn't sit well with my stomach. I think I just wanted to see if I could find it.
I did find it, but didn't play it all for the aforementioned reasons. What I did find, however, seemed to strike a stronger chord within me.
The following is a clip from SNL's "Saturday TV Funhouse", an animated segment that is usually a political satire. As I watched it, I was both humored and disgusted. See if that rings true with you...
With the new year and the new changes to the blog, I figured it'd be fun to do a weekly edition of things that I like and recommend. For now, it'll be titled "Cy Recommends..." and I'll try to do one every Tuesday. Without further ado...
Cy Recommends for the week of January 02, 2007...
I. Liquid Bean Coffee
For those of you living in the Antelope Valley area (Lancaster/Palmdale), you most likely already know about this gem located in the heart of Lancaster.
The quality rivals that of Starbucks and exceeds, based on my first impression of the place, The Coffee Bean/Tea Leaf. The prices are competitive and in most cases cheaper than it's corporate equals.
The service is fast and friendly and that's always a good thing.
Also, I'm all about supporting local and small businesses. So if you're ever in the Lancaster area, check out the Liquid Bean Coffee House.
Liquid Bean Coffee House
1711 W Avenue K
Lancaster, CA 93534
(661) 942-7591
II and III. The Fountain/The Fountain OST
Don't know if you've had the chance to catch the latest Darren Aronofsky creation, The Fountain. Released in late November, this film is both thought provoking and visually stunning. If you weren't fortunate enough to see it on the silver screen, I recommend that you catch it when it comes out on DVD in April of this year.
Hugh Jackman gives a stellar performance as three separate characters - a Spanish conquistador, a modern day research scientist, and a futuristic astronaut. Rachel Weiss, one of my favorite actresses, gives a noteworthy performance as well. The plot is convincing and though it weaves in and out of its three different stories consistently throughout the film, the general theme is easy to spot and identify with. It is essentially a love story between a man and a woman.
Here's the trailer, which in my opinion, doesn't do the movie justice.
One of the best things the The Fountain has going for it, aside from it's outstanding cinematography, is its incredibly moving and beautifully haunting soundtrack. They say the score makes the scene, and in this case that's very very true.
Even if you don't like the film, if you have any taste in music whatsoever, this soundtrack is definitely for you. *wink*
The final track on the CD is one of my favorite songs from a film. "Together We will Live Forever", though just a simple piano piece, is the song that runs during the credits that just sends shivers down the spine. Amazing.
--
Well that's all I've got for this edition of "Cy Recommends...", I'm sure as time goes on, I'll refine this weekly feature. Tell me what you think! Leave comments. I recommend it.
Hey, Friends!
It's 2007 and the start of all things new! I figured I'd get back into the blogging scene with a fresh new makeover. I hope you all like the new template I've picked out and customized. I followed the same color scheme as my Mysapce. I also moved my old blog over to the new Blogger, so there is now more functionality as far as commenting and the sidebar goes. (Check out the new archiving system. It's really cool!)
Anyway, there's a lot to talk about that's happened over the last two months.
...and I will start on all of that tomorrow. As I'm writing this, USC just beat Michigan 32-18 in the Rose Bowl. Fight On, Trojans!
For now, Happy New Year to all of you! Hope 2007 brings you some great surprises and a lot of fun!
Cy
