Circumstance

Today after school, I sat on the steps in front of campus waiting for my dad to pick me up. As I sat, I contemplated my life. I thought about the person I am. The person I've become. I need to figure myself out.

As I was waiting, I saw a little boy. He had to be maybe 8 or 9 years old. His face and his shaggy hair was darkened from the dirt that covered him. He was homeless. He wore an old and tattered t-shirt. The shirt was also filthy and had several large holes in it. He wore a pair of raggedy shorts and flip-flops.

When I sat down, this boy came up to me and said, "Kuya, isang piso?". He was asking me for a peso to spare him. Kuya is a term used for respect. You say it to someone older than you, but not that much older than you. What shocked me was that I was so quick to say back to him "wala gyud"... meaning that I don't have any on me. This was a lie. Why was I so cold to his need? Thinking about it now makes me sick. He looked at me and walked off to ask others the same question.

This boy was so desperate, yet he didn't seem desperate. He was cracking jokes with some of the students coming out. He was throwing the coins he did receive around on the ground - tossing them just for fun. He was trying to get people to avail of the taxis parked in front of the campus. I observed him open the door for one student and she gave him a peso. From this, he learned something. I watched him as he tried to open and close any door of any car that pulled up to the sidewalk. This boy was in need.

My heart went out to him, but yet I was still so greedy. If I see him tomorrow, I'll have to give him some money.

While this boy was begging, another boy walked down the street holding his mom's hand. He looked to be about the same age as the homeless boy. He was dressed in his school uniform. Clean. Obviously took a shower that morning. His hair kept clean and cut. And he had someone - his mom. The homeless boy had no one.

It was an interesting thing to watch. One boy so affected by poverty and another boy so fortunate. What was the difference in these two lives? Could they possibly have had the same opportunities? Or are they victims of circumstance?

It's been occuring to me that some things are not in our control. Actually, quite a lot of things in life are not manageable or predictable. I wonder. If I had a different family, how much different would I be? If I had not gone through the experiences I have, would I know the things I know now? What other possibilities could there be?

God says he has a plan for our lives. That's it's not to harm us, but rather to prosper us. Was his plan for that homeless boy to beg for money to eat dinner that night? Was his plan for the fortunate boy to be well off enough to actually have an education? Why did he choose them? Why did God choose the path he did for these two boys?

Why has God chosen the path he has for my life? Why has he put this and that circumstance in my path? Why have I been elected to be faced with certain trials that others never have to even think about? Right now, I wish I struggled with different things. I wish I had a different set of trials. A different set of temptations. But I suppose that I need to grin and bear what I am going through. I've been through difficult situations before and thankfully I have been able to look back and see lessons learned from them. I know that that is also true for what I am going through right now.

Is my circumstance unique? I doubt it. I'm wondering what the outcome will be from this. God knows everything that has, will, and is happening. I trust in that. But I'm curious, is there really circumstances? Or do we shape our own problems and outcomes. I'm not sure, but our actions and our choices shape what happen to us in the future. So my question is... Will I make those right choices and take the right actions? What is right anyway? Isn't all things brought into our life, whether from good choices or bad, meant to teach us?

My thoughts are a mess right now. Thinking can get you into places you don't want to go... but I don't think we can be mindless sheep.

Hmm.
Cy